Life After
by PattiL61
Summary: STORY COMPLETE. Chapters 6 (Lt. Johnson) and 7 (Alex) are up (5/24/03). Just my take on Life After... Alex. A look at each character and how they cope. PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Kim and Jimmy

Life After...  
  
Chapter 1  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Kim, please pick up the phone," came the voice over the answering machine.  
  
"Kim!" repeated the voice.  
  
"Hello?" said the little voice into the phone after picking up.  
  
"Joey? Where's Mommy?" Jimmy asked with apprehension. "Is Mommy okay?"   
  
"Yeah, Dad. She's outside, getting the mail," Joey answered his father, not realizing the anguish in his voice.  
  
"Oh. Okay. Is everything going okay there, Champ?" Jimmy asked his son, a little more relaxed.  
  
"Yeah. We're just hanging out and taking it easy," he answered as Kim walked in the door.  
  
"Joey, who's on the phone?" she asked, coming over to him and taking the phone and putting the mail on the table.  
  
"Remember, Mommy said you're not allowed to answer the phone unless I'm here with you," she reinforced, tousling his hair and bringing the phone up to her ear.  
  
"It's only Daddy," Joey said, picking up his Nickelodeon Magazine that had come in the mail.  
  
"Oh. Sorry," she said, and then to Jimmy, "Hi, Jimmy. What's up?"  
  
"Uh, nothing. I was just calling to see how you both were doing," he answered, the worry of her trying the same thing she did when Bobby died still fresh in his mind.  
  
Kim sat down in the chair next to the phone and let out a sigh. "Jimmy, I'm going to be fine. I promise," she said quietly into the phone, not wanting Joey to overhear her. They had only told him that Alex had gotten hurt really badly at a fire call and the doctors couldn't help her. They didn't tell him all the gruesome details.  
  
"I know you say that, Kim. And I want to believe you, but sometimes we don't have control over how our mind reacts to something. I don't want Joey to have to go through that again," he told her.  
  
"I know. That's why I've already talked to Dr. Singer," she advised him. "I don't want Joey to go through that again either. And, while I don't think that's going to happen, I wanted to be sure that the sad feelings I've been having are the normal sad feelings when someone dies unexpectedly."  
  
"You talked to Dr. Singer? Well, good," Jimmy said. "And everything's okay?"  
  
"Yes, Jimmy. Everything's fine. I promise. Now stop worrying," she told him.  
  
"Okay. I will," he said with more confidence this time. There was an awkward silence on the phone and she sensed that something was bothering him.  
  
"Are you doing okay?" she asked him.  
  
"Me? Yeah, I'm fine, Kim," he answered, a little too quickly.  
  
"Because I'm here if you want to talk. Or, I could give you Dr. Singer's number," she offered.  
  
"Kim, I wasn't even there," he said.  
  
"Yeah, I know. I also know that you blame yourself a lot when things go wrong and you're not around - even if there was nothing you could have done. There was nothing any of us could have done," she assured him.  
  
"Yeah, I guess," he said. "I stopped in to see the Lieu today."  
  
"How's he doing?" Kim asked him. She hadn't been in to see him the last couple of days. She had days off and then the services for Alex. She'd spent as much time with Joey as possible on her time off.  
  
"He's still critical. They've got him pretty drugged up, which is probably for the best with all the debridement and stuff," he said, remembering the pained look in the Lieutenant's left eye - how the eye had managed to avoid being burned he didn't know, but at least the Lieutenant wasn't going to be completely blind.  
  
"Yeah, that's pretty rough from what I've heard. I can still hear him screaming when he was on fire," she said, picturing the scene in her head again.  
  
"Yeah...," was all Jimmy said.  
  
"Hey," Kim said in a brighter tone. "Joey and I are having pizza and movie night. If you're not doing anything, you could join us," she offered, sensing he was feeling lonely.  
  
Jimmy thought for a moment. "I don't want to butt in," he said.  
  
"You're not butting in. We invited you. You can pick up the pizza on the way over. We've already gotten the movies," she said.  
  
"Yeah, Dad! Please?!" Joey yelled from across the room.  
  
"Well, if you're sure," Jimmy said, brightening a little at spending some extra time with Joey.  
  
"We're sure. About 5:30?" she suggested.  
  
"Okay, sausage and pepperoni, right?" he asked.  
  
"Yup. Better get two. Your son is eating like a pig lately. I'm expecting a growth spurt soon," she said.  
  
"Okay. I'll see you then. And, Kim?" Jimmy said.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thanks," he said before hanging up.  
  
Kim hung up the phone and looked over at Joey. Joey looked up at her from his magazine. "Dad's worried about you getting sick again?" he asked her.  
  
"I think so, but that's not going to happen again, Joey. I want you to know that, okay?" Kim said, getting up and going over to give Joey a big hug.  
  
"I know, Mom. You're a different sad this time," he said, hugging her back.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
TBC... 


	2. Doc

Life After...  
  
Chapter 2  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Doc sat in the Lieutenant's hospital room, wearing the disposable sterile glove, gowns, hat and mask to keep the room germ-free. He'd have enough of a hard time fighting the infection from his burns - he didn't need any more germs coming into the room.   
  
Doc had come every day to check up on the Lieutenant. He'd be there before work, stop up to look in the window in between calls while he was working; and occasionally, he'd stop after work. By that time, he'd definitely stay outside of the room and look through the window. The Lieutenant needed plenty of rest. Why should Lieu be kept awake just because he couldn't sleep?  
  
Ruth, the Lieutenant's wife was the only one that was there more than Doc. He'd gotten into the habit of bringing her something to eat or read whenever he came in. She was wasting away to nothing. Plenty of the firefighters' wives and the firefighters themselves made sure to spend plenty of time with her. The firefighters would go over and keep up the house while the Lieutenant recuperated. No one had to ask, no one had to offer - it was just the way things were done in "the Family."  
  
And so, here he sat on this Saturday afternoon. Ruth had just gone to take a breath of fresh air outside as long as Doc was here. She didn't like him to be alone, and she was always with him during the debridement sessions and new bandages. It took a lot of out of the Lieutenant, but it took a lot out of Ruth too.   
  
"Doc?" came the hoarse whisper of the Lieutenant.  
  
"Yeah, Lieu. I'm here," Doc answered, sitting forward on the chair. "What d'you need?" he asked him, standing and moving around so that the Lieutenant could seem him out of his good eye.  
  
"Taylor?" the Lieutenant asked, the pleading visible in his eye. He hadn't been told as of yet because he hadn't asked. They assumed that the shock to his system from his injuries had blotted out the memory of exactly what had happened. He'd been told he was burned on a job, but no real details.  
  
"Um, Lieu. Do you need the doctor?" Doc asked him, trying to change the subject. It was hard enough for him to KNOW what had happened, let alone to TALK about it.  
  
The Lieutenant shook his head slightly and repeated, "Taylor?"  
  
Doc shook his head as a tear formed in the corner of his eye, "She's gone, Lieu. She didn't make it." The tear fell down Doc's cheek as the Lieutenant took in the information.  
  
"Shouldn't have been up on that car. Should've made her get down before," the Lieutenant managed to get out.  
  
"She wouldn't have been up there if I hadn't pulled her from the squad," Doc said, and the tears flowed freely now.   
  
Ruth Anderson walked back into the doorway and saw Doc crying. She'd been trying to get him to talk about it for the last few days without luck. She knew what had happened and she knew that Doc probably blamed himself - which, of course, was nonsense. If it wasn't Alex Taylor up on that car, someone else would have been. It's not like Doc put her in harm's way on purpose. It was an unforeseeable occurance. She stepped back out into the hall to let the two men talk in private. She was glad she didn't have to tell her husband about Alex, but she wished no one had too, because she knew that he would blame himself now. He always did - even if he wasn't working when one of his crew had gotten hurt. He'd blame himself for not being there to prevent it.  
  
"No, Doc. Not you. Me," the Lieutenant said in the raspy voice, tears coming from his left eye. A nurse had come in when she noticed the increased heart rate on the monitor at the desk.  
  
"Mr. Anderson, you need to try to calm down. Do you need more pain medication?" asked the nurse.  
  
"No," he answered, trying to calm himself back down.  
  
"Mr. Parker, I think you need to leave and let Mr. Anderson get some rest. He really does need to stay calm," the nurse said in a soft tone.  
  
Doc nodded his head. "I'll come by later, Lieu," he said. "I've gotta get to work anyway. You need me to bring anything back with me?" Doc asked, clearing his throat and drying his cheeks on his sleeve.  
  
"Tell the guys I said hi and keep 'em in line, Doc," the Lieutenant said, gathering his emotions.  
  
Doc nodded and squeezed the Lieutenant's foot on his way out. "Take care, Lieu."  
  
Doc walked out into the hallway and Ruth Anderson stood up. Doc finished taking off the disposal gown and accessories. When he'd finished, she moved in and hugged him. He fought the tears that were coming again. "He knows about Alex," Doc told her quietly.  
  
"I know. I walked in just as you were telling him so I came back out into the hall to give you a few minutes," she said.  
  
"He doesn't know the details, just that she died," he advised.  
  
"That's all he needs to know. It doesn't matter what the details are. Are you going to work now?" she asked. He nodded.  
  
"Good. Have a good shift and be careful. He'll want all the details when you come in," she said, giving him a smile.  
  
He started down the hallway and stopped when her heard her call out. He turned back to her and she said, "Try to get some rest, Doc. You look exhausted."  
  
He nodded and gave her a slight smile. "I'm tryin', Ruth. It's just hard. I keep seeing it, you know?"  
  
"Maybe you should talk to someone?" she suggested.  
  
"Maybe. I'll see you tomorrow," he said and turned to go to work.  
  
Ruth watched after him for a moment and then turned to go back in to her husband who'd fallen back to sleep again.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
TBC... 


	3. Ty

Life After...  
  
Chapter 3  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Maggie, have you talked to Ty the last couple of days?" asked Sully, trying not to arouse alarm as he sat across from Ty's mother in the diner.  
  
Maggie put her coffee cup down and looked Sully in the eye. "What's going on, John?"  
  
"Probably nothing, but I've been trying to reach him and he doesn't return my calls. He's taken the last couple of days off as lost time," Sully reported. "You heard about what happened to Alex Taylor, right?" he asked her.  
  
"That's the firefighter/paramedic that was with Ty in the hospital room when he got shot, right?" she asked him and he nodded.  
  
"Yes, I did hear. How awful. She seemed like a very nice girl. Ty said that everyone kind of looked out for everyone else around there and that she was one of the guys," Maggie said, remembering back to the night she'd walked into Ty's room and saw the young girl there.  
  
Sully smirked, "Just one of the guys, eh? Well, don't tell him I'm the one that told you, but he thought she was a little more than just one of the guys for a little while," Sully said, smiling at the memory of when he found out that Ty and Alex were 'seeing' each other. They'd been in the RMP and Ty had been in a particularly good mood. He put two and two together from past conversations and figured it out. He'd promised to keep it a secret and he'd kept that promise. "They had something in common; both of their fathers were killed on the job - Alex lost her Dad on 9/11. They found him under the debris of the Towers and he was laid to rest something like 233 days after 9/11."  
  
"What a way to have something in common," Maggie said sadly. Then she grinned a little, "How did he keep that from me. He's never been able to keep his girlfriends from me," she said with a slight chuckle. She paused while they both took a sip of their coffee and the waitress refilled them.  
  
"Well, I don't think they were still together when she died, but I don't think they ever really ended anything either," Sully told her. "It was kind of just hanging between them from what I can gather."  
  
"Oh my God, John. How awful. He must feel terrible. How did he find out about her death?" Maggie asked him with concern.  
  
"He didn't tell you?" Sully responded with surprise. "Maggie, he was there when it happened. He was one of the first to see her right after the explosion. She was cut completely in half by the metal of the car," he told her as gently as anyone could describe the scene. "He went with Kim Zambrano to pick up Alex's mother and bring her to the hospital."  
  
"Oh no," she said with concern. "I better find him and see if he's okay. I haven't talked to him since yesterday. He sounded quiet on the phone, but he blamed it on a busy night at work," she told him.  
  
Sully shook his head. "He hasn't been to work in three days, Maggie." She stood up and grabbed her coat and purse.   
  
"I'm going to go find him. Thank you for telling me, John," she said, kissing him on the cheek before she started to leave.  
  
"Maggie, call me when you find him. Let me know how he is and don't hesitate to tell me if you need me," he said.   
  
"I will, John. I'll call you and let you know how he is. Thanks again," she said and then hurried out the door.  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^**  
  
Whoever was there wasn't going away. They'd been knocking relentlessly for the last five minutes. Then he heard it, "Ty Davis, if you're in there, open this door right now. I'll go get the building manager if I have to, but I'm coming in there."  
  
"I'm coming. I'm coming," he called out through the apartment from his bedroom. Carlos had gone to work. The two of them just basically hung around when they weren't working - although Ty had taken the last couple of days off - or was it three. They didn't talk to each other, they just kind of sat around and watched TV.  
  
Ty got up off the bed, walked to the door taking in the lack of neatness of the living room, and opened the door.   
  
Maggie walked in and looked around at the mess. "Ty, are you alright?" she asked him taking in his unshaven, tired appearance. He just shrugged and walked into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and took out a carton of orange juice. He looked around and, not finding any clean glasses, opened the carton and drank straight from it.  
  
"Ty Davis, this place is a mess. What's going on? Sully called me and said you hadn't been to work the last couple of days and that he couldn't reach you," she said, starting to straighten up the kitchen.  
  
"Sully called you?" Ty said with irritation. "He should've minded his own business, Mom. I'm fine. I just needed a couple of days off. I'm really tired. I haven't been sleeping."  
  
"Ty, I know all about what happened. You saw what happened to your friend. You were right there. It's understandable to be upset and a little depressed - it's part of the grieving process. But, Alex Taylor would not want you sitting around here feeling sorry for yourself or her, would she?" Maggie admonished.  
  
"What else did Sullivan tell you?" he said, still agitated that he'd butted in.  
  
"What? You think he told me about you and Alex Taylor?" she asked, mocking astonishment. "You really think that I didn't know about the two of you? You really do underestimate me, Ty." Ty just looked at her without saying anything.  
  
"You must think I'm stupid, if you think I didn't notice her holding your hand that night in the hospital when you got shot. You never could hide it from me when you had a girlfriend," she said, poking him in the ribs as she walked by to put some items away that were lying on the counter.  
  
"But, you never said anything," he said in disbelief.  
  
"I figured if it was going to get serious, you'd come and talk to me about it," she said as she filled the sink to wash some dishes. Without looking up at him, she said, "Were you two still seeing each other when she was killed?"  
  
"No," he said, a hurt look coming over his face. "No, we just kind of drifted away from each other after they found her father," he said quietly. She turned off the water and turned to look at him.  
  
"Just kind of left things open and unsaid?" He nodded and she saw the pained look come across his face.  
  
"Oh, Ty. I'm sorry, Baby," she said, moving toward him and wrapping her arms around him. Even though she was shorter than he was, she still provided the comfort he needed right now.   
  
"Mom, I really miss her and I didn't get to say good-bye to her. I thought that we'd always eventually talk things out, but then this happened and it was too late. I waited too long," he said, tears starting down his cheeks. "Now she'll never know," he said as Maggie led him to the couch.  
  
She put her hand on the side of his face after they'd sat down. "Ty, look at me," she said, pulling his face toward her. He looked at her and the pain in his eyes almost broke Maggie's heart.  
  
"Did you see her before she died?" she asked and he nodded. "Did you make eye contact with each other?" He nodded again. "Then she knew, and you both said good-bye to each other," she said, her eyes filling. "You were luckier than me, Ty. I never got to say good-bye to your father. Just be glad that you had that last moment with her," Maggie said and Ty finally let all the feelings he'd kept inside since that day go. Maggie just held him until he finally fell asleep. She put a blanket over him and continued to clean up the apartment while he slept for the first time since the night before it all happened.  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
"I'm here with him now, John. He's sleeping. I think he's gonna be okay," Maggie said into the phone. She listened to what Sully said and then said, "Goodnight. And, thanks for calling me John." She hung up the phone and looked over at her sleeping son.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
TBC... 


	4. DK and Walsh

Life After...  
  
Chapter 4  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Anybody seen, D.K.?" Billy Walsh asked the group sitting around the table in the kitchen of Camelot as he walked into the room.  
  
"Ummm..., I think he's upstairs," answered Jimmy and Billy nodded, sitting down at the table with the group.  
  
"So, I went to see the Lieutenant yesterday," Jimmy announced. The men all nodded - they'd been to see him too.  
  
"He's got an infection brewing. They're trying to get ahead of it. He's really going through a lot," Jimmy said, taking a drink of his coffee and staring out the window.  
  
"Yeah, but his wife seems to be holding up okay. My wife went over yesterday to sit with her for awhile. I went and mowed his lawn, cleaned up some dead branches that had fallen during the storm the other night, and trimmed the hedges. My boys came with me. They wanted to help, even though they're small. We had a good day together," said Wright as he stared out the same window as Jimmy.  
  
"Yeah, my wife made up a bunch of meals that can be frozen for Ruth when she comes home late at night. We brought them over and left them with a neighbor. She said she'd wait up and give them to Ruth when she came home," piped in another of them.  
  
Billy stood up, poured himself a cup of coffee, and headed to the stairs. As he reached the top, he saw D.K. sitting on the bench in front of Alex's locker.  
  
"Hey," he said quietly behind him, startling D.K. slightly.  
  
"Hey, yourself," D.K. answered. "Thought I'd go through Alex's things, sort stuff out and bring her personal stuff over to her Mom."  
  
"Want some help?" Billy asked, setting his coffee cup on the shelf.  
  
D.K. shifted over slightly on the bench to make room for Billy and said, "Sure. Dig in. I can't believe she fit all this crap in here."  
  
They went through some stuff and after a moment they both seemed to stop as they caught sight of the green t-shirt that Alex kept in her locker. It was the t-shirt they'd worn during the last Camelot Cup. Billy reached over and picked it up. It still had the dark stains from the mud that day despite how many times it had been washed.   
  
"I can still see the look of determination on her face that day. She wasn't about to give up, even after she got knocked on her ass a few times," Billy said with a slight laugh.  
  
D.K. smiled at the memory. "Remember when we were going over the plays at the table and you gave her the macaroni to use," he said, both men laughing at the memory.  
  
When they'd both stopped laughing, they sat in silence for a moment. "I still can't believe she's gone," D.K. said, a catch in his voice. Billy reached over and put a hand on his friend's back.  
  
"I know it. I can still feel her here, though," Billy said.  
  
"I always thought about asking her out, but I never got up the courage. Afraid of messing up the friendship or making it awkward around here if it didn't work out," D.K. said sadly.  
  
Billy chuckled again, "She was always complaining about how many times your girlfriend's call here."  
  
"Yeah?" D.K. said with a smile and Billy nodded.  
  
"Remember when she was trying to get out of dating Bobby Caffey? She told him she liked to do 3-ways and wanted to have Jimmy there?" D.K. said, both men laughing again.  
  
"Yeah, and Bobby was on to her and came back and told her it was okay with him. The look on her face that Bobby described was too funny," Billy said and they laughed harder.   
  
Another moment of silence followed and finally Billy reached over and picked up the green t-shirt. He stood up and hung it in D.K.'s locker. "Why don't you hang on to this? We'll have it here to remember all the good times."  
  
"Thanks," D.K. said as the alarm sounded for them to go to work. D.K. shut both lockers and the two men headed downstairs to their next job, the happy memories of Alex still in their minds.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
TBC... 


	5. Carlos

Life After...  
  
Chapter 5  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At the same time as the loud explosion, Carlos sprang up in bed, the word 'no' still echoing about the empty apartment. He was covered in sweat. Eyes wide, breathing hard, he looked around the room almost hoping that the explosion was real this time. But, he knew that it wasn't - it was just his memory of that afternoon coming back to haunt him again.  
  
He got out of bed and walked out into the kitchen to get a glass of water, his heartbeat starting to return to normal. He looked around the apartment and saw that Ty was still not home. Already knowing the answer, he looked at the clock and saw that it was 2:30 in the morning. He shook his head and smirked slightly. "Always the same time," he thought to himself. He'd been having the dream at the same time every night since Alex died.  
  
He finished the glass of water and started back to his room as he heard Ty's key in the door. Ty closed the door and turned to see Carlos standing in the middle of the room.   
  
"What? Again?" Ty asked him. As much as he'd been angry at Sully for interfering in his life, he had to admit that talking about what was bothering him with his Mom had helped him accept that Alex had died. Oh, he was still sad. And, he still thought about her every day, but he'd somehow learned to think about only the good things - the time they'd spent together and how much fun they'd had. Now he looked at his friend and remembered the first time he'd had the dream. The loud scream that had come from Carlos' room had brought Ty running. He knew that he was embarrassed by it, but Ty urged him to talk to someone. But, Carlos insisted that he had it under control, so he lied.  
  
"What? Oh, no. Not for a while. I guess I'm just used to getting up for a glass of water now at 2:30 in the morning. I have to break that habit, I guess," he lied. "Late night at work?" he said, changing the subject.  
  
"Yeah, there was a big brawl over at that bar by the college. We ended up arresting like 25 people and it took forever with the paperwork," Ty explained, not believing Carlos' story about getting up tonight.  
  
"Oh, sounds like a fun time for all," Carlos joked. "Well, g'night. I've got class tomorrow," he said, heading off to his room.  
  
"Carlos?" Ty called after him and Carlos stopped and turned to face him, with that look of 'just leave me alone' all over his face.  
  
"Never mind. G'night," Ty said and Carlos turned and disappeared into his room, closing the door behind him.   
  
Carlos climbed back into bed and stared up at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to come again. At least he knew that he wouldn't dream about it again tonight. It seemed that it only occurred the one time and then he slept soundly for the rest of the night. He'd give it another week and if he was still having trouble, he'd maybe go talk to someone. Maybe.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
TBC... 


	6. Lt Johnson

Life After...  
  
Chapter 6  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Lieutenant Johnson had had a rough day. His body was fighting as hard as it could to fight off the infection that wracked him. The pain from the twice daily debridements was almost more than he could bear, but the look on his wife, Ruth's, face each time he had finished hurt him more.  
  
He knew that she never liked him being a firefighter; she was terrified that something just like this would happen someday and she'd be left to raise the kids by herself. Then, when he'd gotten the promotion to Lieutenant she thought he'd spend more time outside of the fire directing things from outside. He didn't let her think any different. Whatever helped her get through one of his shifts.  
  
And now, she held his left hand - the one that somehow escaped the flames - until the pain medication took over and let him sleep. She'd head home for the night, even though she hated to leave him. He'd made her promise to take care of herself and even though he knew she wasn't, it made him feel better for her to say she was. He felt himself drifting off to sleep finally and she gently lifted his hand as she bent down to kiss it.  
  
"Sleep well. I'll see you in the morning. Have the nurse call me if you need me sooner. I love you," she whispered to him before she left and then he was fully asleep.  
  
After a short while, the nurse came in to check on him and noticed that his heart rate was somewhat increased. "He's dreaming about something again," she thought to herself as she held his hand and he seemed to relax slightly. Every night it seemed he dreamed. She wondered what it was about - the horrible circumstances of what brought him here no doubt.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I'm walking around the scene of the accident, surveying the people in my charge. I look up and see you up on top of the car that's burning as you try to calm and help the elderly couple in another car.  
  
"Taylor! Get off that car," I yell, moving to another location without checking to make sure you heed my warning. But I know you heard me, because you look right at me for a moment.  
  
I go about my job of overseeing the efforts. Doc is keeping me informed on the status of the patients. The crew is intently working on getting the fire out and helping to extricate the victims. Walsh and his partner are having trouble getting the hood open on the burning car. D.K. is helping Doc and Sully stabilize a bicyclist that is pinned under a car. Carlos is on the other side of the accident scene, helping another victim. I know exactly where all of my crew is.  
  
I'm standing there next to Doc as his patient shivers from the shock. I hear the man say he is cold. I take off my turnout coat and hand it to Doc to put over the man. After all, it's a beautiful afternoon. The sun is shining down making me warm. I start to walk around again and suddenly have a feeling of dread that I can't explain. I stop next to the vehicles and look up to see you still on top of the car and Walsh still having trouble getting the hood open.  
  
"Taylor! I thought I told you to get off there!" I bellow. You look at me with that 'You worry too much,' expression on your face.   
  
"I'm fine, Lieu," you yell back, looking back to your patients.   
  
Suddenly, it all seems to happen in slow motion. There is the awful sound of metal expanding from heat. We both hear it. I look back at you and you turn and look toward me. Our eyes lock and we both have the same look of shock and then acceptance. We know that things have gone horribly wrong and that one or both of us will pay the ultimate price for our mistake - yours of being on top of that car and mine of not following through to make sure you got out of harm's way. And now it's too late - too late to move out of the way.   
  
Our eyes never leave each other's as I see Walsh and his partner jump away from the inevitable explosion in my peripheral vision. Suddenly, I am flying through the air, the orange and heat of the explosion seeming to follow me. I land on the ground near Doc, Sully and D.K. Doc and D.K. grab my turnout coat from their patient to smother the flames.  
  
At first I don't feel anything. Then - I don't know if it was from the look of the people around me - or the reality of the situation, but I feel a searing pain as my nerve endings are exposed from the flesh that burned from my torso and arms and head. I hear myself crying out in pain. I'm trying to call out to you - to see if you're alright - but my body and brain won't let me form the words. I hear Doc trying to calm me down as he calls out orders to the others for supplies and assistance. Everyone is running around, the urgency of the situation evident. Doc is calling for you, Alex, but you don't come. Where are you? Are you alright? Alex? Alex! Doc gives me the pain medication and I fade into unconsciousness.  
  
Oh yeah, I remember now. Doc told me. You didn't make it. You paid the ultimate price. I'm sorry Alex. I'm sorry I didn't make you get off that car. I'm sorry it had to be you. What your mother must be going through so soon after losing your father. I hope you're with him now, Alex.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The nurse feels her patient calm under her touch. "It's okay, Mr. Johnson. Just try to relax. You're not alone," she says gently. She holds his hand for a moment until she senses that he is once again sleeping peacefully. She checks his vital signs and looks back at her patient once more before going to her next patient.  
  
The staff of the burn ward are a special group of people. The pain that they see and cause on a daily basis - even though they know that they must cause the pain in order to bring about the healing - is heartwrenching.  
  
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TBC... 


	7. Alex

Life After...  
  
Chapter 7  
  
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I see all my friends. They look so sad and I wonder why as I sit in the back of the church and watch them wander in.   
  
There's Kim with Jimmy. His hand is at her elbow as if she needs help to move toward the front of the church. She's been crying and now that I look closely, it looks like Jimmy's been crying too. It's then that I notice Jimmy is holding on to the little hand of Joey who is walking beside him. He's so cute in his suit and I smile. Finally, they find a seat. I want to go and sit with them, but before I can get up and move, someone else is coming into the church.  
  
I look up from my seat and see D.K. and Walsh, the somber looks on their faces a grim reminder of how everyone felt during the services for all those killed on 9/11. I can't remember for the life of me who's funeral we're here for today. It must be one of our own because as I watch everyone file in they are wearing their dress uniforms, the badges covered by the black elastic band. I watch as D.K. and Walsh take a seat behind Jimmy and Kim as I sit and try to remember who this funeral is for.  
  
"So, how are you doing?" I hear Carlos quietly ask Doc as they file into the church.  
  
"I'm fine," Doc answers, looking away from Carlos as he speaks. I see by the look in his eyes that he is lying as he looks right at me and I nod to him. Wait - it's as though he doesn't even see me sitting here. They continue to walk into the church and sit down.  
  
I hear a familiar voice from behind me and I turn and smile. It's Ty. I've missed him so much. I really need to make a point of getting him aside to find a time that we can talk. We really should talk things out. Everything is just so awkward between us. If we can't go on together, I want us to at least be friends again. I stand as Ty and Sully come up alongside me, but they keep on walking as if I'm not there.  
  
"Is her Mom here yet?" Sully asks, looking around slightly.  
  
"I don't know. I didn't see her. It must be really hard on her," Ty says, a slight crack in his voice that doesn't escape Sully's notice. Sully puts a hand on his partner's shoulder and gives it a squeeze.   
  
"It's hard on all of us," he says simply as they walk away.  
  
"Ty," I call after him. He stops for a moment as though he hears me. He looks around for where the voice came from. "I'm right here, Ty," I say to him. He looks right through me, shakes his head slightly and walks on.  
  
I follow him and catch up to him as he sits down on the aisle amidst the other members of the FDNY and NYPD of the 55th Precinct. I touch his shoulder and feel him tense slightly.  
  
"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Is it okay if I sit here?" I ask as he looks in my direction again. There is no response as he makes no effort to move over. "Ty?" I ask again as he shivers and turns back toward Sully, his eyes watery.  
  
"What is it, Ty?" Sully asks with concern. You take a deep breath and shake your head. "I just can't believe it. I saw it, but I don't believe it. It's like I still feel her here," he whispers and Sully nods his head in agreement.  
  
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I start to say something, but I feel the presence of someone in the room. I turn toward the back of the church and see you both. Mom, you look so tired and worn. Adam, you're walking alongside of her, a look of real concern on your face as you help her up the aisle. You're wearing that black suit again, Mom - the one you wore at Dad's funeral. Wait! I suddenly realize that I don't see Lt. Johnson anywhere. I turn around looking for him and then I see the casket at the front of the church.  
  
"NO!" I hear myself yell as I walk toward the casket. "What? How?" I wonder as I reach the casket and put a hand on it. "What happened to the Lieutenant?" I ask, but no one answers.  
  
I hear you behind me Adam. "Right here, Mom," you say as you help Mom into the first pew. I look around the pew and see all of our relatives here. They've been crying. Uncle Mike is STILL crying.   
  
I reach out to touch you Mom, but I don't feel you when I touch your shoulder. You don't even notice that I'm there.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Suddenly, I start to remember. I'm on top of the car and as I hear the sound of expanding metal, I look over to the Lieutenant who just told me to get off of the car. Our eyes lock on each other as we realize what is about to happen. I can't believe that I'm going to go this way - not as a firefighter, but as a paramedic!   
  
I feel the explosion throw me through the air and I land hard on the ground. I feel funny. I can't feel my legs. I hear something hit the ground next to me and see legs and feet sticking out from under a piece of the car. I feel a burning pain across my torso as I hear Kim call my name. Carlos and Ty are there and I call out to them. "How am I doin'?" I yell as I realize that I'm hurt bad. I feel myself going into shock. Carlos comes up to me and leans down next to me. He is smiling, but it's not a normal smile. I hear him say that it's going to be all right. It seems as everything is in a fog and suddenly my mind registers that the feet next to me are my own.   
  
Oh God, I can't believe this. I wonder where the Lieutenant is, but my mind won't let me call out to him. I look around and see Kim and Ty - the looks of shock and sadness taking over their faces.  
  
It's getting darker now and I know I don't have much time left. My last thoughts are of my mother. I talked to Kim about this when I got hit by that car earlier this year. I don't think she could survive it if something happened to me, I said. My eyes focus on Carlos for a moment. He is telling me everything is going to be okay and I believe him, but I'm worried about my mother. "Tell my mother that it didn't hurt," I tell him as everything goes black.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I'm brought back to the present now - to the funeral. My funeral. Not a bad turnout. I look around and see all my friends and co-workers. I'll miss you all. The priest finishes up the service and I sense that it is my time to go. I walk down the aisle and stop at each of my friends. I put a hand on them and even if they don't understand it completely, I think they know that it's me saying goodbye. I touch the side of Joey's face and he is the only one that I believe actually sees me. Must be the innocence and openness of youth. He smiles at me and I whisper, "Tell everyone that I said goodbye. Tell them I'm okay."  
  
He nods to me and I move on to the next person, touching each one of them on my way. I'm outside of the church now, floating in the sky - away from the church. I look down and see Angel of Mercy Hospital. I feel myself floating toward the building and suddenly I'm inside.   
  
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I'm in a hospital room and I look over to see you. You're sleeping, but fitfully. A nurse comes into the room and I hear her say that you must be dreaming again. I suddenly see you back at the accident. Our eyes are locked on each other. I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you Lieu. It was my fault. I want you to understand that it was my fault. You were right. I shouldn't have been up there, but I also know that you would have done the same thing. It's not about us - it's about the people that need our help. They always come first. Some people don't understand how we do what we do everyday, but it's simple. It's just who we are. It's not something you acquire - you're born with it in you.  
  
What's that? Yes, I'll be okay. Yes, I'm anxious to see my father again - and Bobby.  
  
I feel myself floating away again as I see you relax and rest. Get well soon, Lieu. Fight hard. What's that? I look around and then I see.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Alex! Come this way. I've been waiting for you. He told me you were coming up today. I begged Him to spare you, but He said that there was nothing He could do. It's your time."  
  
"Daddy?" I say as my eyes fill with tears. "I've missed you so much. I tried to find you, Daddy. I didn't want to stop looking for you, but then I got the news that they'd found you. I didn't believe it, but they told me that it was definitely you."  
  
"I know, Alex. I'm sorry. I never wanted it to happen. It's just that..."  
  
"I know, Daddy. I know," I say as we begin to walk.  
  
"I'm proud of you, Alex," you say to me softly and I smile.  
  
"I hope so, Daddy. I want you to be."  
  
"I always was, Alex. Always. Don't worry about your Mom. Adam will take care of her. We'll see her again one day and we can always check in from time to time."  
  
"I know, but she looks so sad," I say as my voice quivers. You put your arm around me and pull me closer as we walk.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Alex!" I look up.  
  
"Bobby! It's so good to see you," I say as I run to you and hug you.  
  
"I've been watching over everyone down there. Thanks for helping Kim," Bobby says. "It was pretty rough there for awhile. I was really worried about her."  
  
"We all were. I'm just glad that we were able to help her. She's doing good now. I think that maybe she and Jimmy may get back together," I tell you.  
  
You snicker a little and then say, "I think Jimmy can handle it now. He's grown up a lot these last few years."  
  
"We all have," I say.  
  
We all walk together. I take one last look back over Camelot and my friends. They'll be okay. They have each other. "We need to keep an eye on Bosco and Faith, Bobby. That Cruz - she's trouble."  
  
"We will, Alex. We will," you both say to me as we walk through a thick cloud and disappear.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The End. 


End file.
